OSIRIS - Mark Reviews Movies

Osiris, Vertical

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Review by Mark Dujsik | July 25, 2025

It's more than a bit dispiriting to see how convincing the aliens of Osiris look, only to realize that the filmmakers' first and only thought is to give them guns. Clearly, a lot of effort went into making these creatures using costumes, puppetry, and other practical effects. It was mostly unnecessary, though, since co-writer/director William Kaufman primarily has these aliens standing in long hallways being shot at and shooting. Yes, they look good doing it, but surely, such fierce and fearsome creatures could be doing a lot more.

The lack of imagination undoes what's a potentially compelling idea here, supported by, not only the aliens, but also the production design in general. Most of the action takes place on an extraterrestrial spacecraft, filled with those long hallways, of course, but also a sense that the ship was built based on and has served a specific purpose. Okay, we eventually learn the alien craft is the equivalent of a freighter vessel, so it's not as if the design and purpose are especially exciting. Still, the location feels lived-in and used, even if it is only to haul stuff across a galaxy or two.

The setup here has a military team, led by Kelly (Max Martini), being abducted by those aliens in the middle of a firefight in the streets of an unnamed foreign land. The first sign that Kaufman and co-screenwriter Paul Reichelt might not have much in mind for their story and action comes during that prologue. We watch as Kelly and his fellow soldiers shoot dozens of anonymous foes, who conveniently pop out one at a time from around corners and down alleyways. It's the action equivalent of target practice, and by the time a proper shootout begins, the alien ship has blasted the remaining enemy forces with some kind of electric burst.

Kelly is joined by the likes of Rhodie (LaMonica Garrett), who has the air of being an old hand in the military, and Nash (Linds Edwards), the team's sniper who keeps cracking jokes with a Southern drawl. The characters are unimportant, obvious, beyond their ability to shoot at aliens and, occasionally, be the last one to exit a room. That second part might not seem important, except that it always means the slow character's dramatic death while the quicker ones watch.

After awakening in a viscous goo on the ship, the soldiers discover that their weapons are in the room with them, full of ammunition and ready for action. This makes sense, of course, if the aliens have brought this team aboard for some kind of wargame or challenge or fairer brand of hunting. Let's just say that, when it's finally revealed what the aliens actually want with the soldiers and the rest of humanity, it's instead both incredibly convenient and patently contrived that our heroes have locked-and-loaded guns right there for the taking.

If they didn't, though, the movie would be finished quickly, because these aliens appear to mean business. They're nasty customers—hulking creatures with bulk heads and ferocious jaws filled with pointy teeth. The makeup and effects teams should be credited here for their work, because Kaufman gets to show a lot of the aliens and we can spot the slime apparently oozing from their pores.

Almost as soon as the beasts are introduced, however, the movie continues its established pattern of action. The soldiers stand on one side of a space, and their alien foes pop out from around corners or march toward them from the other. The humans shoot, and the aliens die, albeit with a lot more bullets than are required of the human baddies in the introduction. Eventually, it's revealed that the aliens have blaster rifles of their own, which makes it a bit harder, as well as shields that are impenetrable to bullets, which makes us wonder why those didn't come out sooner.

Through it all, we get some minimal back story about the aliens' plan from Ravi (Brianna Hildebrand) and her mother Anya (Linda Hamilton), who have been the ship and avoiding the aliens for about as long as the daughter has been alive. With that out of the way, it's time to return to the back-and-forth exchange of bullets and laser blasts across lengths of metallic hallway.

As far as repetitive action movies that resemble shooting galleries go, Osiris at least has its aliens designs to keep it from becoming entirely dull. Every good look at the aliens, though, keeps us thinking that they deserve to be in a better movie than this one.

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